I haven’t written anything for a while and I should’ve, but better late than never.
The title's kinda to the point, right?
This is just something to describe part of my
experience with depression. I don’t really know why I’m sharing it… I guess I
just want to be honest. It’s hardly a stunning piece of literature either but
hopefully it at least makes sense. Maybe it’ll help someone, that’d be great
too.
Final but important note:
I use words like ‘psycho’ and ‘crazy’ just because this is
how I see myself sometimes. It’s not nice to call people these kinds of things,
even if they use these words themselves. You just don’t really have the right to do it,
and I’m telling you it does not make a person feel good.
I can only reflect my experience in my life with my perspective. I can't and don't represent every depressed person ever. Everyone's experience is unique, although some parts can be similar, and I'm luckier than a lot of people who have endured much worse with much less support than I have.
Self-titled
psycho and proven true
But
just take care of me, baby
I only want things my way.
Who
knew I could be that crazy?
Do
you love me?
Of
course not.
There’s
not much left to love.
DEPRESSION.
Depression.
That’s
the heavy weight on my chest
Which
keeps me from hauling my sorry self out of bed
That’s
when nights are long
And
sleep is not your friend
And
you are not your friend
And
some friends are less than friends, for the moment
Brushing
my teeth is an achievement
And
making breakfast (at 2pm, granted)
An
achievement just the same.
It’s…
feeling hunger but everything is just too…
Salty.
Greasy. Sweet. Sour. Bland. Dry. Soggy.
Even
your favourites can’t satisfy you…
Even
3 takeaway pizzas that you can’t afford!
Because
it’s all the same grey lump that goes round and round in your mouth
Until
you’ve chewed it small enough to swallow
(If
you can be bothered)
What
an ordeal!
Happy?
The
high mood
The
I love everything and everyone and I could do anything and everything and today
will be the day that everything gets better and all my demons are slain because
I never wanted to be depressed anyway!
POSITIVITY,
DARLING!
C
r
a
s
h
(It’s
quicker than that really
And
heavier)
Sadness
takes over, inevitably.
It’s
your eyes threatening to leak with every breath...
Only
threatening though,
Because
you ran out of authentic tears a long time ago
You
retreat from the world to ‘sob’
(The
world’s no place for you anyway.)
And
‘sob’ because your body kind of does the actions,
And
kind of makes the noises,
But
there’s no relief -
Anything
remains too much.
You
need to escape but you can’t,
There
is no respite.
Morning
breaks and so does your spirit,
You’re
scared,
(Because)
You’re crazy,
Depression.
Congrats for getting all the way to the end! Thoughts? Comment below:
