Fun and Funerals (Au Pair Experience, Día Dos, Part One)

I have this niggling niggle to finish my Year Abroad application but I really really don't want to. There's only so many final decisions I can make right now...          

Pero bueno on with the post. So yesterday's mystery funeral was for my host mum's brother in law, dear Carlos, who was a singer and clearly a well-loved member of the family. I didn't realise we were attending his funeral, I only understood that my host mum would be there. Sure enough we arrived at a church about half an hour from Barcelona airport and with my temporary deafness I managed to shout excitedly, "What's this?!" as we entered. God, I felt awful. Luckily I didn't get chucked out, maybe it wasn't that loud and no one understood what I said. It wasn't about me anyway. A priest conducted the service in Catalan (didn't understand except the Amens), there was communion (where Catholics take in the body of Christ, we didn't go up) and then a beautiful video of Carlos singing in a packed hall and lots of photos. Then it was over.

We left the Church and I met tons of family who were all friendly, not too many tears and then we set off for dinner (host dad ate my sandwich and I was stuck with his💔) and the final drive home. We worked out I'd been travelling for 8 hours from my house to theirs (not easy with CFS) and the kids fell asleep. At home I was shown my room and everywhere else in the house then it was time to sleep.

It was 'un día intenso' as my host mum said but for more reasons than those above. This time last year, a year ago yesterday, my family lost a beloved aunt, mother, daughter and sister. My mum and I said a prayer for her in the airport (decided not to bother with the chapel, stood outside of it) and when she left she went to comfort my grandma. Rest in peace Aunty Barbara, we miss you. 💙

It was just an emotional day and of course it took its toll. I won't over think it but I wasn't prepared and it just shows travelling doesn't mean that real life actually stops

Join me for part two ✌

Au Pair Experience, Día Uno

I'm tired but my mind is racing so what better than to blog?

This is my first night in my new home for 2 months as an au pair in Spain. I'm living in a town called Lleida, nearish to Barcelona (where I've told everyone I'm staying because who's heard of Lleida?)

This is also my 3rd time flying ever and my 2nd time flying alone 😱
I'm so grateful to my mum for coming to the airport with me (lucky she got the time off work) because my 18.4kg suitcase was a bitch to carry on the Underground. We even had two lovely chaps help us lug it up the stairs to the Victoria line at Oxford Circus.

At Gatwick there were automated bag drop machines (so fun!), food (smoked salmon cannot be grey idc what Jamie's Coffee says) and emotional goodbyes before the security gate (miss you Mummy). We took off 45mins late (annoying) but landed only 20mins late (acceptable) and my host family was eagerly waiting to greet me at arrivals.

(I asked the girl by the window to take this pic at Gatwick but asking again in Barcelona felt kinda awkward so this is all I have okay)

Pero bueno, enough with the logistics, what am I actually doing here?

I'm here as an au pair which means extra pair of hands or something in French. The basic idea is to join a family and be like a big sister, for a little pocket money, food and board. With my family we're doing a language exchange - I speak English (especially with the kids), they speak Spanish (castellano i.e. the Spanish we're taught at school). What's interesting is that this family also speak Catalan, another official language of Spain which I've learnt is spoken in the West. (I kept saying el Norte and getting corrected by confused Spanish people).

Anyway, the kids are great and the parents are lovely so I'm sure I'll have a lovely time out here.  Thanks to everyone cheering me on and wishing me well, I almost didn't come but apart from some painful pressure in my ears and an impromptu funeral (explanation to come) it's all been perfect.

Hasta luego,
Antonia xx

Mourning Europe

By now we all know that more people have died in terrorist attacks in cities other than Paris and we have been encouraged by fair-minded people to consider all victims of terrorist attacks with equal amounts of sympathy and anger as do those in Paris. However, I feel we shouldn't dismiss the uniqueness of the Parisian attacks. There is more shock at the attacks in Paris because it is a famous city in a European country and European countries are, without a doubt, safe. The whole world stood with Paris because Paris is important, culturally, historically and globally. And by virtue of being part of the Western world. People dream of travelling to Paris. Paris is romantic and elegant. And white people are more important than any shade of brown. The Sydney Opera House in Australia lit up the colours of the French flag as did many other monuments around the globe, people changed their Facebook profile pictures and #JeSuisParisien was trending but when is such solidarity shown other than for Western countries?

Source: The Wall Street Journal, http://www.wsj.com/articles/buildings-around-the-world-light-up-in-frances-colors-1447500908, accessed 23/12/2015

Egypt, though not having a perfect record with terrorism in any sense, showed solidarity regardless of political alliances by remembering Lebanon, Russia and France at the same time. The Pyramids, being an ancient historical landmark, makes this display particularly poignant as it reminds us that we all have the same origins, we are human beings and all of our suffering is relevant. 

So why then has the British government has voted to bomb another city full of people simply trying to enjoy their lives, in another country full of history and culture? As I watched the debate and the results of the vote come to light, I felt sick. It was as if everyone who had voted for airstrikes on Raqqa, Syria, was more concerned with Britain's image than the lives of others and eventually ourselves. Some say it is the only choice we have against the threat of Daesh, but there is not clear path to conquering them. London has been attacked before, Paris has been attacked twice in one year, how can we be sure that there will be no repercussions? If we are more civilized than other nations, why can't we think of a better way to interact with them? We know that civilian lives, people's lives, will be lost. At the same time as the European* refugee crisis which is angering so many nationalists, racists and xenophobes across the continent, how can we justify creating more? Will these people thank us for saving them or will they see us as the enemy of peace and fight against us? 

Source: egyptianstreets.com, http://egyptianstreets.com/2015/11/16/egypts-pyramids-light-up-with-flags-of-france-lebanon-and-russia/, accessed 23/12/2015

We still regard other parts of the world as barbaric. We judge them more harshly than Western countries because they're 'less developed'. Their human rights abuses are shocking and disgusting (when there's nothing to be gained from them), but ours are either justified or individual mistakes. This has to change. I think it's time for the West to reflect on its actions and accept responsbility for the lack of compassion its citizens have for citizens of other nations. Muslim girls (i.e. children) and women are being attacked on the street for wearing hijab i.e. for dressing in the way they are comfortable. Even looking like a Muslim (whatever that means) is dangerous. Brown families feel unsafe just because of the colour of their skin. I say again MUSLIMS ARE NOT TERRORISTS. Extremist interpretations of any religion can lead to terrorist acts. Your fellow people are not your enemies

If the Iraq war was a 'mistake', then why repeat it and kill thousands more for the sake of self-image? We are meant to be a democratic nation, one which values the lives and rights of all others and promotes peace. Democratic countries do not fight each other, not because of our values but because it would look bad. Yes, taking in refugees is expensive, so why not afford them the same rights as citizens to allow them to contribute to the economy? War is expensive, but apparently it is also profitable whereas compassion for other human beings is not. How many more Aylans need to drown before Western countries act?

*I specifically say European here because there have been millions of displaced in other regions of the world but their plight is largely ignored by the mass media.

Love Poem of Sorts

When I was a little girl I used to wonder why songs were always about love. I think I know now...

It’s because love is incredible,

In many ways:

It can make you happy,

It can feel like magic

But somehow it’s real.

It can make dreams come true

And every bad thing in the world

Irrelevant.

It can make every bad thing in the world

Something you can triumph over… together.

And before you know it,

Love has taken over your life

You live love, you live through your love and you love…

You  love  your  love.

You’re glowing

You finally feel alive

You're savouring every moment

But love is not perfect

Love is not impenetrable

Love is more than want or hope

Love is doing

Love is actively doing and actively loving

Love suffers with unhappiness

And when the unhappiness grows to a point where 
It is more visible than the love

The  love  begins  to  die

It can be dying before you realise, before you realise how much you needed it

How much it meant to you

What you wanted to build with it

And before long, once the unhappiness morphs into destruction

The love dies. 

Dead. 

A thing of the past

One of you may try to revive it

But while the other is ready to bury it, this won’t happen

And as much as you want to tear the shovel from his hands

He will not let go (of it).

You waste time

You waste energy

If anything, you make him dig with increased urgency

Breaking the earth until there’s nothing left to stand on

Just a deep, dark hole to Hell

Why?

There are no definite answers

But in this moment 

Your despair and desperation scares him

And even the memories of your love become

Warped.

It was good then

It is bitter now

You want it to be good again

It might

But in this moment

You cannot mourn the love

There is no time for that, life keeps going

The clock keeps ticking

And the world keeps turning

It is a privilege to experience true love

You were lucky

Now you’re back in the real world

Some people will be lucky 

And you will not envy them because you’ve been lucky

And will be lucky again.

Love comes in many forms

Love comes when it’s ready, not when you are

As you know

Because the love you had knocked you off your feet

(It carried you, you flew with it)

Time to stand up again.

A Poem of Sorts by Antonia Francis, 1st Jan 2015